I did something bad the other day. Actually two bad things. One was me being forgetful and lazy toward my goddess, the other was much, much worse–breaking a promise I made to Her. Now, I do have an excuse, although not a defense, and that is that I wasn’t putting nearly as much weight on the promise as She was. I didn’t think it was important to Her, but it turns out it was. So I’ve learned that if I make a promise I had better be serious about it.
Now don’t get me wrong, I knew when I did what I did that I was disobeying and I was honest when asked. I thought I would be able to “cutesy” my way out of it. Not so much as it so happens. Now in the past we’ve talked and shared about the difference between actual punishments and “fun-ishments”. While I don’t need to go into the details of what she had proposed, I’ll just say that if it had stood it would have been truly heartbreaking and awful.
What is really fascinating to me, is how genuinely upset I was at disappointing her (which I originally did not think I did because I didn’t realize how much she actually cared). The groveling was fucking real. At that moment I would have done anything she asked to make it better. (Who am I kidding, I would still). I originally thought my forgetfulness was the worst of my transgressions but after seeing her reaction and talking later I realized how incorrect I was.
Fortunately for me, she accepted my very sincere apology while profusely kissing her feet, groveling actually. And she listened to my rational INTP argument about the extreme harshness of her suggestion and gave me the opportunity to propose three alternatives which she would consider. With the pointed and clear caveat that if at least one wasn’t to her satisfaction she would carry through with the original measures. Oh shit.
Talk about a conundrum — it is just so deliciously wicked and mean. So now I have to think of my own punishment. At this point, She has a pretty good idea of what I like and what I don’t like, so I can’t try and pull a Br’er Rabbit and say “please, Queen, don’t fling me in dat brier-patch.” I have some time to mull it over as she doesn’t demand an immediate answer. So after some careful thought, I write an apology letter with the requisite 3 possibilities. They were:
1) Have my mouth washed out with soap and write a seven page essay underscoring the importance of keeping a promise
2) Spend 25 minutes bound on my knees in a corner of the room to think about what I did
3) Have icy hot or similar applied to my genitals and/or three solid strikes with a wooden spoon to my unprotected testicles
All three of these are not anything that I want to do whatsoever. I dislike “busy work” with a passion, and who wants their mouth washed out with soap? I hate being bored and uncomfortable so number two seems unpleasant. And CBT just isn’t my thing (and I’ve heard the icy hot is just pure hell) so that also sounds dreadful. So all three are pretty good as punishments go.
In the end my goddess chose #1 which was actually the one I least wanted to do. But I put it as the first because it was my least favorite and, in the end, I felt that it best fit the crime. It just seemed correct. On the plus side it could have been worse as She could have said, “great, I choose all 3 to ensure you’ll learn your lesson.” Or she could have kept her original punishment which was, in my opinion, far more harsh than any of the ones I suggested.
As for my laxity in her service, that was met with 15 strokes of one of the three new rattan canes of varying lengths I got for Her. Real ones, not playful. But once again She was kind as I did not have to remove my pants and she did not use her full strength, probably more like 60% maximum. But even so, She left a nice juicy reminder of my transgression on my ass and legs (which I find super sexy, I even took a picture to have).
Still, I greatly appreciate her not putting up with my nonsense and allowing me to expiate my mistakes. This just reinforces the supreme accuracy of Her bullshit detector. And now that I know she is serious about actual punishment, I will certainly think more carefully about my actions. Not because I don’t want to get punished but because I really hate hurting her feelings or disappointing her in any way. As I said, I strive to be the perfect man for her in every way as she is my goddess and I love every moment of it.
Would love to hear what others think.